No Motivation

Well, I used to say I'd never get it, but senioritis has struck like a flu bug with no shot. I completely lack motivation to do anything in school anymore. I have my scholarships, I've been accepted into honors college at ASU, and I've pretty much got all of next year planned out. So I keep asking myself, "what's the point?" and I get the same answer from myself. "Do it so you can say you did, finish out strong," and all of that. But to be honest, I'm having no luck at motivating myself with any of these handy dandy inspirational speeches that I cook up for myself in my head.

My friends have tried to help me too, and I can say I've probably lost a few really great friends because of their frustration with my complete lack of motivation to get much of anything done in school. It's not that I don't do any work. I finish the big assignments, and turn in the projects, but I hate having to rely on other people to help me get through. That's not me. I know I have the capacity to force myself to sit down and do things, but for some reason I can't find the motivation to do it.

The psychologists say that the first step to remedying a problem is recognition. Well, here it is. I'm recognizing that this is definitely a MAJOR problem, and I have to do something about it. But the question is, what? That I haven't tried already.

Maybe I just need to try harder.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

-John 16:33

When Life Finally Starts to Look Up

So I know it's been a long time since I've blogged last, and I'm determined to not turn into another friend of mine who begins every post with apologizing for not blogging in so long. Well anyway, I've had a few rough patches since you all heard from me last, but lately God has been showing me that if you just keep the faith, He will come through for us.

One of my really close friends that I used to look up to has gone through a really rough patch here in the past few months. Sinking into bad habits and just losing touch with God, and I felt so helpless, because there was nothing I could do to help. I have a problem with feeling helpless. When I can't take any action about a problem, I almost have a mini panic attack inside myself. But lately I've learned that sometimes the best thing to do is just pray. Even though I was so upset about my friend falling away, I kept my spirits up through prayer, and lifting them up in close prayer groups.

God really showed up this week! My friend has come such a long way, is getting back into the word, and really having her fire reignited for Christ. It just goes to show that the power of prayer is greater than anything we can do on our own in this world.

Also it's so great to see the growth in my church, many of my friends are starting to attend youth more regularly, the praise band is doing really well, and the youth have joined up in the adult choir. We're preparing for our big Easter musical drama. It's going to be great!!

I've recently started memorizing scripture, and it's not easy, but I can already feel uplifted by just having God's word hidden in my heart. Right now I'm working on Psalm 146.

So basically life is just going really well right now, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and the youth group, and everyone else in the days ahead. Life is sweet :)

You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.
Matthew 21:22

Igniting the Passion

October was the last time I posted on this blog. That's similar to what has been going on in my life these past few months, actually. Recently, I have been sunk into a slump of complacency. I know where I'm going to college, I have a scholarship, and school is in it's final run, so why try? Why try to excel, achieve, and go the extra mile for God in this town when I'm gonna be leaving in just a matter of months? Last week God rocked my world and turned that perspective upside down.

I had the priveledge to attend passion conference in Atlanta, GA last week. This was one of the biggest Christian college conferences in the nation. There were upwards of 43,000 18-25 year-old students, filling half of the Georgia Dome, right in the heart of Atlanta. The reason I actually ended up going this year was because I'd heard rumor of there not being a Passion conference next year, due to scheduling problems with the dome. Little did I know that I'd be in for a week that would not only rock my world spiritually, but show the City of Atlanta, and the world, the combined love for Christ that this group of College students have.

We began the week with a departure from church at 2 AM. Long bus ride. Very long. Not much to tell there. Our youth minister, God bless him, got stuck in registration so we were some of the last people into the dome, we ended up sitting in the very top left of the dome. Nosebleed section. I wasn't thrilled, but as we were walking in, I was in for such a big surprise. One of the most impactful moments in my life occured that night as we were walking in. The Word of God was scrolling across the megatrons and there were about 6 people onstage reading from the word, but not just reading, reading with such passion and love for God that the whole auditorium was at their feet. Skeptics might say that the lights, effects, and sheer magnitude of people contributed to the emotion in that room that night, but I know in my heart that it was Gods presence, His holy presence through the reading of his word, that brought me to tears that very first night of this conference. And that was only the beginning...

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." -Hebrews 4:12

My Life on a Schedule

With the help of one of my favorite teacher's and honorary family members, I now live on a very precise schedule. And from 10:00-11:00 is study time. I however neglected to bring home my history, so I have nothing to study right now. However, I thought in sticking to the spirit of my schedule, I'd do something productive. Hence, my blog post.

Last week was an insane week. We had See You at the Pole, Saw You at the Pole, and youth Sunday all in the same week. Musical planning overload would be an understatement. Not to mention the fact that I only started living on a schedule in the latter part of last week. So, my stress was almost at aneurism levels.

Now however, I'm calm. I really don't have anything I'm too deeply worried about. And it feels great. I hope moments like this will continue to pop up in my life. Maybe I am starting to get the hang of all this after all.

"Be strong. therefore, and let not your hands be weak and slack, for your work shall be rewarded."
2 Chronicles 15:7

It's 1:18 AM

As evidenced by the title, it's 1:18 in the morning. I'm getting up at five thirty. Sleep escapes me at the moment, because my mind is moving at the speed of light, while my body is struggling to keep up. I haven't blogged in a while, I've told myself multiple times over the last few weeks that I'd actually sit down and do it, but it just hasn't come to me. But now, in the wee hours of the morning of today, I felt the inspiration to sit, well lay, and share myself with you all once again.

One of the things I do when I'm feeling an overwhelming amount of emotion is write. Not things like blog posts really, more like songs, poems, call them whatever you will. I wrote one of these last year when I was having a close-to-complete meltdown over the fact that my best friend was going away to college this year. Looking back over it today, I find new meaning in the words, and I find myself applying this fear that I had, to the present, but now I'm part of what I'm afraid of. Not only will my friends be leaving, but so will I.

I'm not going to post what I wrote, just because of its personal nature, and this is the internet, after all. So if any of you who actually know me want to read it, just ask me sometime.

There is something I realized... Yes we are all going to be moving away next year, moving on to bigger and better things in life. Just because we will all be in different places doesn't mean that we'll lose the love we have for each other and the friendships we have developed over all these years. Everybody always worries about what the future holds, but I know that with God's grace, we will grow up, and grow old, always as friends. Forever.

"Because friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them."
-Michael W. Smith

When the World Resembles an Electrical Storm

Last night my hometown, Batesville, had a huge thunderstorm. But the thing was, there wasn't really much rain, at least at first. My friends and I were actually sitting out on the my friend Georgia's deck during her mom's surprise 50th birthday party--which went splendidly--and suddenly clouds started moving in.

When we were first banished to the outside, the atmosphere was muggy, humid, hot, and sunny. We finally started getting used to the climate of the outdoors and got to conversation when suddenly these clouds, in about a span of ten minutes, blocked out the sun and brought on a very severe lightning storm.

One thing a few of my friends did was go dancing in the middle of a field. Well, I thought this was kind of stupid to be perfectly honest. I love them to death, but I didn't see the fun in being possibly struck down by lightning. Call me crazy. Eventually Carol (Georgia's Aunt) called them in when she realized they were dancing in the middle of a field, in a thunderstorm. Yay for responsible adults!

This whole scenario struck me this morning and I realized it can all be one giant metaphor. Life sometimes banishes us into situations we don't really want to be involved in, and things are rough. We struggle to make it through each day, but slowly we adjust to our new surroundings and scenarios. Then suddenly, everything shifts, and we can become caught in the middle of a spiraling twister of change, fear, anger, and pain. Adjusting to all of that can be hard enough as it is, but some of us don't even realize when we've started on the downward spiral until someone pulls us out of it. Only then do we realize what a dangerous minefield we were running in all along, and can only be grateful to those who pull us out.

Never forget that.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. (NIV)
-Proverbs 46:1-3

Poultry.

This post is not about a bird, or birds, or turkey.

This morning in Sunday School my teacher was talking about... to be honest I really don't remember the context of this word vomit, but I remember he was trying to say poetry, and the word came out poultry. I didn't sleep much last night, and given my state of mind at nine thirty in the morning, I cracked up.

I dismissed the incident as a flub up in speech, something that happens to me a lot. But tonight, as one of my friends on Facebook reminded me of this morning. I realized a few things about this episode.

1) I have one of the coolest Sunday school teachers in the world, who puts up with a bunch of high school guys every Sunday morning, not to mention bringing us homemade cookies and milk (the milk isn't homemade you word Nazis)

2) Even those people we look up to make mistakes, sure this was a small mistake, but the principle applies to bigger mistakes. We are all human, born into sin, and once we forget that, we lose sight of reality and begin to lose sight of the big picture.

3) We are so quick to point out others' flaws. It's actually really disgusting. And part of the reason I'm disgusted is that I am just as guilty as everyone else. We are so quick to point out something someone else does, that we fail to see our own wrongdoings. No, it's not a sin to change poetry to poultry. In this case it was very funny. But the point is that we all screw up. All of us. Us, including me.

Never forget that.

³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
-Matthew 7:3-5