No Motivation

Well, I used to say I'd never get it, but senioritis has struck like a flu bug with no shot. I completely lack motivation to do anything in school anymore. I have my scholarships, I've been accepted into honors college at ASU, and I've pretty much got all of next year planned out. So I keep asking myself, "what's the point?" and I get the same answer from myself. "Do it so you can say you did, finish out strong," and all of that. But to be honest, I'm having no luck at motivating myself with any of these handy dandy inspirational speeches that I cook up for myself in my head.

My friends have tried to help me too, and I can say I've probably lost a few really great friends because of their frustration with my complete lack of motivation to get much of anything done in school. It's not that I don't do any work. I finish the big assignments, and turn in the projects, but I hate having to rely on other people to help me get through. That's not me. I know I have the capacity to force myself to sit down and do things, but for some reason I can't find the motivation to do it.

The psychologists say that the first step to remedying a problem is recognition. Well, here it is. I'm recognizing that this is definitely a MAJOR problem, and I have to do something about it. But the question is, what? That I haven't tried already.

Maybe I just need to try harder.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

-John 16:33

When Life Finally Starts to Look Up

So I know it's been a long time since I've blogged last, and I'm determined to not turn into another friend of mine who begins every post with apologizing for not blogging in so long. Well anyway, I've had a few rough patches since you all heard from me last, but lately God has been showing me that if you just keep the faith, He will come through for us.

One of my really close friends that I used to look up to has gone through a really rough patch here in the past few months. Sinking into bad habits and just losing touch with God, and I felt so helpless, because there was nothing I could do to help. I have a problem with feeling helpless. When I can't take any action about a problem, I almost have a mini panic attack inside myself. But lately I've learned that sometimes the best thing to do is just pray. Even though I was so upset about my friend falling away, I kept my spirits up through prayer, and lifting them up in close prayer groups.

God really showed up this week! My friend has come such a long way, is getting back into the word, and really having her fire reignited for Christ. It just goes to show that the power of prayer is greater than anything we can do on our own in this world.

Also it's so great to see the growth in my church, many of my friends are starting to attend youth more regularly, the praise band is doing really well, and the youth have joined up in the adult choir. We're preparing for our big Easter musical drama. It's going to be great!!

I've recently started memorizing scripture, and it's not easy, but I can already feel uplifted by just having God's word hidden in my heart. Right now I'm working on Psalm 146.

So basically life is just going really well right now, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and the youth group, and everyone else in the days ahead. Life is sweet :)

You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.
Matthew 21:22

Igniting the Passion

October was the last time I posted on this blog. That's similar to what has been going on in my life these past few months, actually. Recently, I have been sunk into a slump of complacency. I know where I'm going to college, I have a scholarship, and school is in it's final run, so why try? Why try to excel, achieve, and go the extra mile for God in this town when I'm gonna be leaving in just a matter of months? Last week God rocked my world and turned that perspective upside down.

I had the priveledge to attend passion conference in Atlanta, GA last week. This was one of the biggest Christian college conferences in the nation. There were upwards of 43,000 18-25 year-old students, filling half of the Georgia Dome, right in the heart of Atlanta. The reason I actually ended up going this year was because I'd heard rumor of there not being a Passion conference next year, due to scheduling problems with the dome. Little did I know that I'd be in for a week that would not only rock my world spiritually, but show the City of Atlanta, and the world, the combined love for Christ that this group of College students have.

We began the week with a departure from church at 2 AM. Long bus ride. Very long. Not much to tell there. Our youth minister, God bless him, got stuck in registration so we were some of the last people into the dome, we ended up sitting in the very top left of the dome. Nosebleed section. I wasn't thrilled, but as we were walking in, I was in for such a big surprise. One of the most impactful moments in my life occured that night as we were walking in. The Word of God was scrolling across the megatrons and there were about 6 people onstage reading from the word, but not just reading, reading with such passion and love for God that the whole auditorium was at their feet. Skeptics might say that the lights, effects, and sheer magnitude of people contributed to the emotion in that room that night, but I know in my heart that it was Gods presence, His holy presence through the reading of his word, that brought me to tears that very first night of this conference. And that was only the beginning...

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." -Hebrews 4:12